Staying Alive

Adam was said to have lived for 930 years. Methuselah comes in with the greatest reported longevity of 969 years.

Fact or fiction?

Heads or tales?

In the 21st century we can be excused for doubting the reliability of these figures since no one was around to authenticate them. The longest lived person with valid credentials was Jeanne Calment who was 122 at her death. See Wikipedia under Methuselah.

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

There can be none in the case of the patriarchs.

Tales.

Second Time Around

Jesus is not the only ancient biblical character to have benefited from the practice of resurrection. Apparently, it was quite prevalent in olden days and a skill that was fairly widespread among the biblical elite.

We all know the story of Jesus and Lazarus but Jesus also raised the daughter of Jairus shortly after death and a young man attending his own funeral. See the New Testament.

Peter raised a woman named Dorcas and Paul raised a man called Eutychus.

Elijah vanishes in a whirlwind in 2 Kings (2:11).

If we are to believe John Smith founder of the Mormon Church a resurrected John the Baptist ordained him.

In the modern era William M. Branham founder of the faith healing movement of the 1940s claimed to have raised a boy from the dead in 1950.

Fact or fiction?

Heads or tales?

From the perspective of the 21st century we can be excused for doubting the authenticity of such stories. Dead is dead. Resurrection makes great science fiction though. Zombies are always good for a fright.


Tales.

Religion equals mind control

Religion equals mind control. See it in action.

Individual rights trump religion. See it in action.

It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible. – George W. Foote

The world holds two classes of men – intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence. – Abu’l?Ala al Ma’arri

Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. – Frater Ravus

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. – Seneca the Younger

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. – Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)

Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. – Anonymous

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. – Steven Weinberg

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. – Susan B. Anthony

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. ~Ambrose Bierce

Blasphemy contest

Winning phrases of CFI's blasphemy contest

* "Faith is no reason." submitted by Ken Peters of California
* “There’s no religion like no religion,” submitted by Daniel Boles of Thailand
* “I wouldn’t even follow your god on Twitter,” submitted by Michael Hein of South Carolina
* “The reason religious beliefs need protection from ridicule is that they are ridiculous,” submitted by Michael Nugent of Ireland
* “I survived the God virus,” submitted by Perry Bulwer of British Columbia, Canada.

Answering Life's Tuff Questions

Like "why isn't tough spelled like tuff?" That would make too much sense.

If there is a god, why would a universe be required?

What purpose would a universe serve for this god?

What would be the marker for the achievement of this goal?

Why create living things? What is the point?

And why create them with lifespans?

Why create a universe with helminth parasites, hemlock, guinea worms and mosquitoes, all of which can result in the death of other living things?

These things are easy to comprehend if we assume the universe had no direction and evolved to its present state without a purpose in mind. We can accept them readily as 'just the way things are' if no designing agent is conjured as a universal director.
Otherwise they would appear to be the expressions of a diabolical mind.

Guinea worms are ingested by humans when they swallow water containing tiny fleas that have previously ingested the tiny eggs of the guinea worm. The eggs develop in the intestine and achieve a length of about three feet after about a year. Then males mate with females in your digestive tract who must lay the eggs in water. The guinea worm now begins to move by burrowing through your organs on its way to your skin. As they get near your skin they secrete an acid that causes extremely painful blisters on your skin to provide them an exit route. As you treat these blisters with water the guinea worm thanks you by bursting through your skin like spaghetti with a head. Over the course of the next several weeks you will want to pull the guinea worm out of you, inch by inch, in such a way as not to cause the worm to split. This would leave the rest of the worm still inside you where it will calcify under your skin. The worm won't kill you but secondary infections in your blisters such as tetanus will see to your demise. And how did humans discover these things? The universe does not come with an operating manual. We had to learn by trial and error. There was no Microsoft helpline to call to get a solution. No direct line to the director. People died so that others could learn to avoid the danger.

And the point of this lovely creature creation to a loving god? Blank out.

The ascaris worm is an example of a helminth parasite that lives in your intestines and can form clusters larger than a softball that can block your intestinal passages. When these guys migrate within your body they can cause deadly conditions like pneumonia and gangrene.

And the point of this lovely creature creation to a loving god? Blank out.

Hemlock is a poison. It can cause paralysis and seizures depending on the variety.

And the point of this lovely plant creation to a loving god? Blank out.

Mosquitoes are a disease vector and are responsible for the death of over a million people per year. Going back to biblical times the number of people whose lifespans were shortened numbers in the billions. If you were god would you create such a creature? Forgetting for the moment why you would want a universe in the first placewhy would you construct it with creatures that attack, maim and kill the humans that you love? If the universe is fine tuned for the emergence of human life it would also seem to be fine tuned for the development of these and many other nefarious organisms? Hell of a design. With thanks we praise thee for the remarkable pests and poisons that assail our persons.

An operating guide to the universe would be a handy aid to living for ignorant humans.

Unfortunately we had to discover a lot of things by trial and error.

If you were god would you supply a manual to your intelligent creations, to the ones for whom you created the universe?

And why did you create them? What do you need from them?

Do you obtain pleasure from watching someone drink hemlock and succumb to the poison?

Why didn't you warn the first person to 'discover' the hard way that hemlock is not a nutrient?

These and many other 'booby traps' for humans exist in the universe. Why did you create them?

When a plane crashes and there are survivors why do we thank you? Were the ones who perished not worthy of saving?

Or should we think that the ones who perished are the favored ones and that the survivors are reviled because you did not want them with you in paradise?

Why do we value life if the objective is to get to heaven? Babies who die take a shortcut to paradise. Do they grow up there? Will their parents recognize them when they get there?

What is the point for you? Amusement? Judging? Adulation?

For how long? For how many? When is it over for you? When will your goal be achieved?

What is your goal? To attract more people to heaven than Satan can entice into Hell?

What is the prize and when is it won? When is the game over?

All of these questions go away if you do not exist. We just accept the curious nature of the universe in which we find ourselves and seek to suck the most pleasure from our carcasses as we can before we can't. We try to figure out how things work without an operating manual and congratulate ourselves when we solve one problem and then we move on to the next.

The future of the human species seems inevitable. If our expanding sun does not wipe us out then our future collision with the Andromeda Galaxy certainly will. If you were god why would you build in that ending?

If you were god why would you need a universe at all?

Need implies imperfection.

Even god is human.

Baby Z

As reported on Yahoo on November 5, 2009, 'MELBOURNE (AFP) - A "miracle" Australian baby has become the first person cured of a rare and deadly brain-melting condition after doctors gambled on an experimental drug tested only on mice, they said on Thursday. The child, known only as "Baby Z", was facing a painful death of seizures and brain damage from molybdenum cofactor deficiency, a genetic defect which causes a build-up of toxic sulphite and usually kills in months.

But she made an amazing recovery just three days after first being given the untested treatment which was flown in from Germany and rushed through the courts.

Within hours after receiving the experimental drug cPMP the child's sulphite levels began to drop and reached normal levels in about 3 days.

God stood by and watched and was prepared to allow this child to suffer a painful death as had many others in the past who had suffered from the expression of this rare genetic defect.

Scientist Gunther Schwarz of Germany had tested cPMP on mice with success and shipped the drug to Australia for use with Baby Z. Biochemist Rob Gianello had discovered the drug which fixes the previously incurable condition.

This is another example of humans correcting God's work.

God comforts while humans save.

The universe may not care that we are here but we do.

Shack Attack

In the fictional novel 'The Shack' by William Young, God is depicted as a triumverate of characters: God Himself takes the human form of a black woman something like Auntie Mame, the Holy Spirit is a somewhat amorphous spirit called Sarayu and Jesus appears to play himself. The nature of the Jesus DNA does not come up in the story. The Shack tells the story of a tragedy that strikes Mack's daughter Missy who is abducted in the midst of another crisis and murdered in a shack in a remote location in the Oregon wilderness. The book attempts to deal with the problem of evil which is essential for theists to resolve if their God is to be saved from analytical oblivion. How can a loving God who created humans as His pets allow the unspeakable evil to befall us and stand by without doing anything? This seems unconscionable to us so theists must find a way to 'explain (excuse)' God from a rather obvious moral judgement. The book repeats the story of 'The Fall' set out in Genesis. Since Adam chose to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil RATHER than trusting in a loving God the human race henceforward had to experience the evils of the world outside of Eden. God can be 'with us' in our pain and suffering but cannot intervene because He respects our choice to live by our minds. So the triumverate in the book assures Mack that Missy was never alone during her terrible ordeal and that Missy took comfort in that fact. This image is supposed to relieve Mack of some pain and allow him to go forward with his life.
God allows evil because He respects the choice made on our behalf by Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.
If you were God why would you create a universe? What would be the point of it?
Asuming we can find a satisfactory answer to that one would you fill the universe with a 'pet' and then subject that pet to all manner of hazards that can attack its very existence?
The answer seems obvious.
And doesn't this answer call into question the very existence of such a superbeing or set of superbeings?
The pet acts to find solutions to the hazards so that they can be neutralized as the pet seeks a better environment in which to live than the one provided by God. Or He doesn't exist in the first place.
We are here. We don't know why. We have no universal operating manual to consult so we must figure it all out on our own. It just is the way it is and we must deal with that.
There is no God, never was a garden of Eden or an Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit of a fictitious tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That is just a mythical story created by humans to offer some comfort to their fellow beings.
The Shack will appeal to and serve as affirmation for devout Christians but can offer scant comfort to those facing a denouement to their lives that consists of the excruciating pain of cancer. Humans provide morphine to dull the pain and provide a more comfortable journey into death. Who is more humane: a God who does nothing because of a choice made by the first human or a doctor with pain killer? Who is your friend? Who is really there with you?
In the story there was no one there with Missy. She died a horrible, painful death committed by a sick human being who had executed other young girls. All the prayers in the world didn't help Missy. And the fact remains, God, if He exists, watched it all.
Is He worthy of praise, adulation or love?
Or is it easier to believe that He doesn't exist?
Anger is the proper response to such despicable crimes.
Forgiveness allows the victim's relatives and friends to move on with their lives without allowing anger and revenge to consume them.
We don't need God for that.

Shiloh

.
Shiloh, the mermaid girl, died at age ten in October of 2009 of a rare congenital condition known as Sirenomelia. People with this affliction are born with fused legs, hence the mermaid label, and often die within days of birth due to complications from kidney and bladder development and function. Shiloh was an exception. If you were God would you intervene to fix this problem? Would you design your universe to avoid such cruel and unusual imperfections?
These things are easy to comprehend if we assume the universe had no direction and evolved to its present state without a purpose in mind. We can accept them readily as 'just the way things are' if no designing agent is conjured as a universal director.
Otherwise they would appear to be the expressions of a diabolical mind.

If you were God...

why would you create a universe? What would be the point? What need of yours would it fulfil? Why do you need anything?
When will your purpose for the universe be achieved?
Assuming we get by the first question:
What would you put in it?
Would you include life?
How would that life develop? Full blown creation or by evolution?
Would you deliberately include poisons and other hazards to life?
If such hazards evolved would you leave them or intervene to nullify their nefarious effects?
What kind of god would you be? Good or evil?
Would you really want people to live by the laws of Leviticus?
Would you intervene via prayer fulfillment or miracle?
For whom and when?
And what would be the point to this universe?

Thank You for This Food

.
A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

This reminds me of Pascal's wager where it is intimated that it is better to believe God exists just in case he does. Of course, an all-knowing God, as implied by the boy in the joke, would know that that was your tactic and you would be off to hell for not being a true believer or at least you wouldn't be allowed into the kingdom of heaven.

It is my belief that families that say grace fare not better in life's allotment of good and bad than do families that don't engage in the ritual.

Has anyone done such a study? Would it be worthwhile?

God exists...

.
.
...in the same sense that Mickey Mouse, Superman, Santa Claus and the tooth fairy do.

In fact I prefer those four. The first two are entertaining. The latter two bring you things.

What has God done for me lately?

Over to you G.

Hello?

A reporter is in Israel reporting on the conflict there. She decides to
seek out a *human interest* story. She hears about an old man who has been
praying at the Wailing Wall as long as anyone can remember. Every day he is
there, praying. So she seeks him out and finds him at the Wall. She begins
to interview him:
"Sir, how long have you been coming to pray here at the Wall?"
"Madam," he replies, "I have been coming here every day for the past 50
years, to pray."
"And what do you pray for?"
"Madam, I pray for peace in our land, that the children of Jews and the
Children of Arabs can grow up in peace and harmony."
"That's wonderful," she replies. "And how do feel after coming here to the
Wailing Wall for 50 years?"
"Madam," he says, "I feel as if I'm talking to a wall!"

Where was God?

.
I received an e-mail with the following prayer
Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen.
To forward it on to show I care
Pass it on again and again.
This struck me as a little odd
Who created cancer if not God?
To benevolence he is a traitor.
Another free ride for the creator?
He could deliver many cures as presents
His lack of action denies his essence.
He creates existence and then fatal disease
To gain our worship, Oh come now, please!
We can do much better with the generation
Of the products of our fertile imagination!
Superman arrives to prevent a plane crash
Then saves Lois with a speeding bullet dash.
We cheer him on, he is a hero
On the bench, a godly zero.
He was active in ancient times
Now he allows the commission of crimes.
He could assist and receive our praise,
But we see no plan, no action, no plays.
Most conspicuous by his absence
His non-existence does make sense.
.

Cancer Cure

I received an e-mail today with the following prayer in it.


Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen


The recipients of the e-mail were asked to keep the e-mail circulating.

This struck me as a little odd. Who created cancer if not God? What makes the author think that God will now help us to cure cancer?

It seems to me that God has been getting a free ride on this one for a long time. If he exists and is responsible for cancer then he should be rightly condemned for it not petitioned for aid.

Humans have made great strides against cancer and will one day conquer it no thanks to the deity and the gratuitous suffering cancer has caused to millions.

He should be ashamed of himself.

However, it really looks like there is no god and that gratuitous suffering is part of life in a universe that doesn't much care that we are in it.

Designed by God

From a circulating internet e-mail:

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOB ? says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforemention ed Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me.

And God admired woman and could see no improvements to be made and said it was good.

Design by God? Give me a break!

When human designers see problems they come out with a new improved version. God seems to have washed his hands of the matter of human improvement. We have taken it on. As we would in a universe without a creator god.

Looking Heavenward

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.

She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.

After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.

Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.

"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." 1

This is the 21st century and I think that most of us know deep in our hearts what the pastor in the above quip knows: there is no one up there to help.

Or as the religious would say: God helps those who help themselves.

Ergo, what need have we of God?

We found ourselves in God's country and we put in air conditioning. He provides diseases. We cure them, eventually. His country is not the most comfy place for the humans he loves. We have done better. Kind of improved on his design. We do that a lot.

It is easier to realize that he is not there than to try and make excuses to save him from irrelevance.

We act like he is not there. That is why science is effective and prayer is not.

==============================
1 - Beliefnet Daily Joke of the day

Fish Cancer Gene

On August 18th 2008 there was an announcement from Ohio University to the effect that female swordtails are attracted to male swordtails that have cancerous melanoma spots. These spots are dark and while the melanoma is deadly to males the females are attracted to them. (http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-08/ou-fcg081808.php)

Is God behind this state of affairs? Why would he want to preserve reproduction from fish with the melanoma gene turned on? What kind of a design is that?

It makes perfect sense in a uncaring, undirected universe but is puzzling in a universe ordered by a benevolent deity.

On the same day it was announced in the Chicago Tribune that many Americans believe that God could save a family member even if doctors say it is hopeless. Apparently, 20 per cent of medical personnel also believe this. (http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/health/sns-ap-med-god-vs-doctors,0,1888394.story)

Why would the deity play random favorites? When the relative doesn't survive is that a result of god's failure to act?

Evidently, many Americans are capable of avoiding cognitive dissonance by maintaining blurry boundaries between reality and fantasy. There are none so blind as those who will not see.

While God intervenes in hopeless cases and restores full health to some it is to be noted that he always ignores amputees. Not worthy of a full recovery I guess. Prayers don't seem to work for them either.

Perfectly logical if he is not there.
-------------------------------------

Early American Religious Opinion

Pretty strong and astute stuff from some of the founders.

Religions are all alike, founded upon fables and mythologies. Thomas Jefferson

Religious leaders will always avail themselves of public ignorance for their own purpose. Thomas Jefferson

This would be the best of all possible worlds if their were no religion in it. John Adams

Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise. James Madison

Faith is believing something you know ain't true. Mark Twain

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. Mark Twain

As people become more intelligent they care less for preachers and more for teachers. Robert Ingersoll

Of all the tyrannies that afflict mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst. Thomas Paine

The greatest miseries that have afflicted the human race have had their origin in this thing called religion. Thomas Paine

All natural institutions of churches, appear to me human inventions, setup to terrify and enslave mankind. Thomas Paine

Lighthouses are more helpful than churches. Benjamin Franklin

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason. Benjamin Franklin

Not a founder but I throw him in anyway.

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious ideas of heaven or hell, or of a god. Thomas Edison

Why Isn't It This Simple?

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Why isn't it this simple?

Either God is made of something or he is made of nothing.

Two branches. Are there others?

If he is made of something then from whence that something?

If he is made of nothing then what are we talking about?

One branch leads to an infinite regress as we must explain the constitution of god with another god-like being who is also made of something but where did that something come from? Ad infinitum.

The other branch leads to nothing.

Either branch negates god.

Therefore can we not conclude that god is a creation of the human mind just like Santa, Superman and the Tooth Fairy?

Pun with Monks

Religion can be fun so let's have some pun with monks. This is one of my favorites.

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.

After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.

She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"

"Yes, I'm the chip monk."

Caterpillars

In the Toronto freebie daily 24 hours of July 15, 2008 it was reported that a lady tourist who was trekking in northeastern Peru on an organized tour in 2007 had “a freak encounter with tragic consequences”. Ten days after stepping on 5 caterpillars of the Lonomia genus she died. These caterpillars defend themselves from their perceived enemies by secreting a toxin that causes hemorrhaging in humans.

This, of course, is an example of how our universe has been fine tuned for our arrival by an intelligent and benevolent designer who loves us.

To address this bit of noxious mayhem scientists set about concocting an antivenin to counteract the effects of the toxin.

Humans realize that the world in which they find themselves is replete with unknown dangers inimical to their health and life. Life is not easy; it is precarious and can be wiped out in a flash from all manner of natural phenomena.

To say that the universe is designed for the appearance of human life is to say that the designer is a sick kid in love with booby traps. Is this done for the amusement of the creator?

Humans seek a better world than the one that was prepared for us. We do this through the investigation of our world and inventing improvements that make life more comfortable. Hence Carl Sagan's book, The Demon Haunted World, subtitle makes sense: science as a candle in the dark. We have no operating guide for the universe. We must write our own as we go along. No God is more compatible with the indifferent world we find ourselves in than any deity proffered by religion.

Would we not expect to find an uncaring environment in a world without a benevolent designer?

I forget who said it but: “the universe did not know we were coming and now that we have arrived it doesn't give a s__t. “